


My Ironmortal

by tsukinobun



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marvel, My Immortal, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-26
Updated: 2012-04-26
Packaged: 2017-11-04 08:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/391709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukinobun/pseuds/tsukinobun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A superhusbands fic in the style of the infamous "My Immortal" -- the greatest worst fic ever written.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Ironmortal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [katobeth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katobeth/gifts).
  * Inspired by [My Immortal](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/8128) by Tara Gilesbie. 



> All misspellings, continuity issues, OOC issues and other atrocious affronts to the world of fanfic are completely intentional, and what's more, you're *welcome.* Nothing can ever be as good as "My Immortal" but we can sure as heck try. Obviously any flames on this work will be from prepz.

Chaper 1.  
AN: Special fangz to my gf (ewww LOL ) sweetpokatopie69 for helpin wif all da inspurashun and da spellink. U ROK. And to justin bieber’s whaledong ur the love of ma deprzzing life U ROK 2.  
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Hi my name is Steven Nightshade Ravynheart Rogers and I have long blonde hair that I put streakz of black in (That’s how I got my name) and I have icy blue eyes like pools of ice and a lot of people tell me I look like I’m anorexic and dead (AN: if u don’t know what ana is then go learn from something). I’m not related to any anorexic or dead people but I wish I was becuz they’re fucking hot! I am just natural skinny and pale which is nice because that’s how to show you’re hardcore goth. I’m part veela but I totally have a dick so it’s ok. I am also a wizard because I go to this school in England called Hogwarts and I am a seventh year (I’m 17 which is legal there so just so you know). I’m a goth (in case you culdn’t tell) and I wear all black with sometimes other colors that go good with my really blond hair that I got from beeng a veela. I love Hot Topic and I buy mostly all my clothes from there website which I got my ipad hooked up to the net from my dorm because I used my magic hair to make it work. For today I was wearing a black wifebeater with rips in it across to look like I got ripped by a tiger and under it shows through red fishnet and under is just my pale skin that glows, and on top of that I have a jacket that has a million zippers and buckles so it is tight and looks industrial and has long arms like a straight jacket that I fink is so cool! I have on such fucking amazing pantsthat are tight around my thin waist and then get big like raver pants but don’t look dumb they look really cool with straps and shiny parts that are seethrough to my red tights that are the color of blood and also have the word VAMP in them like sewed in all over to look good. I have these thigh high boots I am wearing too that are menacing as fuck and also are tied up with black ribbons. I was wearing black eyeliner and a star drop next to my eye like I cried one and white foundation to bring out my pale. And also I had some red eyeshadow to make it look like when I close my eyes they are red through the skin and that is a good veela trick I can show you some day but usually the eyeshadow is easier to have in class. I walked outside of Hogwarts and it was snowing so there was no things in the sky, and some hipster gryffindors looked at me all like wishing they were this cool and so I flipped them off.  
  
  
“Hey Nightshade!” a voice said. I looked up. It was…Draco Malfoy!  
  
  
“What’s up Draco?” I asked.  
  
  
“Nothing,” he said, like he wanted my pants.  
  
  
But then I heard about a new student and I had to go away.  
  
  
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AN: iz it good? PLZ tell me yes.  
Chapter 2.  
Hipsters and losers stop flaming my story!  
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The next day I woke up in my dormroom. It was having weather again outside. I got out of my coffin that was pleather on the outside and fuzzy on the inside that’s kind of like how I am I guess because I am nice even tho I look like hella intimidating to everyone. I drank some trublood from a bottle and changed out of my pajama boxers that have the twilight words on it and alice who is my favorite. I put on different boxers that had Bella on them because I don’t want to have gay boxers with Edward even tho he is my inspirashun 2 be me. I put on all my clothes from yesterday but in different colors this time mostly black still but I have lots of versions so I don’t ever wear dirty clothes, ok. I brushed my hair alot and my friend woke up in her coffin (AN: Hogwarts changed to co-ed because I wrote a letter and said how after peple are 17 they can do it so it’s against the law to stop us doing it if we want and Dumbledore was like ok, that seems true so I won’t stop you moving in with yor best friend).  
  
  
My friend Widow (AN: Pokato dis is u!!) woke up and then grinned at me. She is part black and part Jap so she is really Black Widow-chan but mostly we just call her that. She has long blood hair and eyes that are purple sometimes but mostly green. Once on a time she was hipster and liked to wear sweaters with skirts and a bow tie but I met her and she learned better. Now she knows that the best quality clothes are at Hot Topic and one time she tried to steal from them a shirt but I told her to give it back because it’s not ok to steal from like your own house which is sometimes what we call Hot Topic because it would be the best place to live. She put on a tight dress with the words fuck and anarchy all over it in white, usually white isn’t ok but if it is words like that and on black then it’s ok sometimes. She put on her favorite thigh high boots that zip up and she had on a lace thong I got her for Yule last year.  
  
  
I help her with her makeup because she’s not as good as me at it yet.  
  
  
“OMFG I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!” she says hella exicted because she has liked him for ever.  
  
  
“Yeah? So?” I answer because that’s how I am feeling.  
  
  
“Do you like Draco?” she asks and we push the door out of Slytherin.  
  
  
“NO I SO FUCKING DON’T” I shouted because sometimes she wants me to get with another goth boy because she some reason thinks it’s hot to watch two guys kissing but I told her Draco isn’t goth enuff for me and also not veela enough, I have to follow the veela rules.  
  
  
“Yeah right,” she exclaimed. “Then why was you so blushing when you got home last night?” she asks but then Draco walks to me.  
  
  
“Hi,” he says  
  
  
“Hi,” I say because he said it first.  
  
  
“Guess what,” he says  
  
  
“What?” I say b ecause he asked.  
  
  
“Well Breaking Dawn part 2 is having a early release in Hogsmeade this weekend.”  
  
  
“Oh. My. Fucking. God.” I said because Twilight is the best thing.  
  
  
“Do you want to go with me?” he says.  
  
  
But then a nother boy walks up and I am glad I put on extra layers of white foundation because I feel like I have blushing. The other boy is name Tony and he is new at Hogwarts and he was transferred from MIT for being too smart. He is so smart he alreagy got a good british accent like us from just yesterday.  
  
  
“Hello people,” he says in british.  
  
  
“Why are you looking at him?” said Draco in a big jealous voice.  
  
  
“Shutup you Draco, I’m allowed to have other friends ok,” I said because Tony looks sad.  
  
  
“Omg Nightshade do you know him from last night?” Widow asks because she figured it out where I was.  
  
  
“Wait I thought you said your name was Steve,” says Tony looking at me in the face.  
  
  
“My middle name one is Nightshade,” I say to him and he looks so freaking surprised.  
  
  
“Hey yeah everyone calls him Nightshade ok, because that’s what is his fravorite and you better not be some prep or loser, new british boy,” says Draco all mad because he always wants a british accent but he is from Welsh.  
  
  
“OMFG Steve,” Tony says in my face leaning in, “that is SO. WEIRD.”  
  
  
“Why, some people have gothic parents ok,” I said, but it’s ok that he calls me Steve because when he says it it sounds like a hot swear.  
  
  
“NO YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND MY MIDDLE NAME IS NIGHTSHADE TOO!” he squeals.  
  
  
I gasp.  
  
  
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Chapter 3.  
  
  
On the night of the movie I get dressed in my best Twilight cosplay and go to meet Tony.  
  
  
“Hi Steve,” he says but I don’t know who.  
  
  
“Who are you,” I ask because I don’t know.  
  
  
“I’m Steve, you said to do cosplay,” he says.  
  
  
“What even are you fucking cosplay right now?” I yell at the voice.  
  
  
“Oh I guess you don’t have this in England where we are right now,” Says Tony sad from the truth. “I’m being a dress up of Iron Man who is my fave to be from movies,”  
  
  
“What’s a movies?” I ask gothically.  
  
  
“Oh sorry I forgot you have only wizard things, I wil have to show you a movie some time, they are really good. And Iron Man is a great hero who saves people but also has a drinking problem.” Says Tony with a stutter.  
  
  
“Tony wait,” I said because it sounded like maybe he was crying inside.  
  
  
“Sorry Steve I just sometimes get really depressed and want to kill my wrists because I had a hard time through life. You probably had the best life and I bet you think I am a total freak, omg.” And then he gets all scrunched up on the floor and cries on the inside more than ever.  
  
  
“Stop ok, because I think maybe we are the same a lot more than you think,” and my hair is shining.  
  
  
“Really?” says Tony all better now.  
  
  
“Really because I know what you mean about depressing life. That’s why I sleep in a coffin and why I wear black and why I hate being a veela.”  
  
  
“But veelas are so pretty,” he says and then goes, “OMG SORRY that is so embarrassing I thought I would never say that I would just keep it hiddin in my heart and my brain.”  
  
  
“Holy shit Tony are you in love fucking with me?” I ask and my hair looks amazing.  
  
  
“From even the first time you were there,” he says and I wish I could see his face and not his Iron Man.  
  
  
“I can’t even handle you right now ok, you’re ruining the movie just started and I waited so long to see it and you’re drunk aren’t you, you’re a fucking wino.”  
  
  
“HOW DID YOU KNOW” he gets up off the floor and is so angry his clothes fall off and I see his eyes so red as a nightmare.  
  
  
“FUCK TONY, YOU ARE A VEELA TOO?” I am so surprised because he’s not even a girl either.  
  
  
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Chapter 4.  
  
  
Tony needs to have more drinks because he is addicted and if he doesn’t he might get sad so we go to the 3 broomsticks and get firewhisky in the cups and also ask if they have any wizard cocaine and we’re lucky because rosmerta and her husband ron weasley just got a fresh box of it.  
  
  
“YES!!! I love cocaine too!” says Ron who comes to smoke it with us at our table, he is always being a mooch.  
  
  
“Fuck off Ron buy your own cocke” I said when he took some and put it deep in his face.  
  
  
“Hey man back the fuck OFF” Said Tony and he slapped Ron with his hand. “I bout that for me and my boyfriend ok??????”  
  
  
“I AM NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND” I said because he didn’t even ask me yet and he has a drinking problem. “If you ever want to be my bf you have to not be as drunk all the time.”  
  
  
Tony looks at me hard in the eyes and then he says ok and passes me the coke bong.  
  
  
“So tell me how you are a veela,” I asked him.  
  
  
“It happened when I was with this girl in America called Pepper who broke my heart and left me for this girl name Fleur. So I was really pissed off and went to get a spell from my wizard coach Jarvis who said he could make me have the same sex powers as Fleur so I could get Pepper back and want to bang me. He did a forbidden spell from the dark arts and turned me into a veela guy but it SUX steeve I don’t know how you live like this with people always trying to be up on you and wanna have fucks. Being a veela is so shitty all day long and at night it’s like I can’t even sleep because of all the sex I have to have to stay alive. So that’s why I got drunk, but I just promised you that is over now.”  
  
  
“Yeah I know,” I say.  
  
  
“FUCK I FORGOT TO HAVE SEX TONIGHT,” Tony says and gets nervous.  
  
  
“Omg Tony you can’t forget that kind of thing ok it’s life and death!”  
  
  
“I KNOW ok but I was nervous to see you.”  
  
  
“really?”  
  
  
“Really really.”  
  
  
“Oh.”  
  
  
“But now what do I do, Steeve I think I might die soon!!”  
  
  
“Oh no. Well maybe we should do it.”  
  
  
“But you know what that means!”  
  
  
“Yes I read the veela rules too ok, when I was just a BABY.”

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Chapter 5.  
  
  
All veelas know that the first rule of things is if you do it with a different veela you have to marry them. It’s a really old rule from the olden days and it can’t ever be broken ever. It’s really strict even for wizards who are being gay about their sex.  
  
  
“Omg but who can ever help us to get married right now?” said Tony, and his body was really near dying because he hadn’t spent his load.  
  
  
“Professor Dumbledore will understand, lets ask him to do it TONIGHT.”  
  
  
“Please mke things hurry, Steeve, I just started feeling deader,” said Tony and I was so turned on right now.  
  
  
I got on my broomstick and flew all the way to the headmaster’s bed.  
  
  
“YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP OK?” I yelled at his asleep head.  
  
  
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING,YOU MOTHERFUCKER?” Dumbledore asked in his most annoyed voice. But then he saw who I was, “Oh Hi Nightshade how are you?”  
  
  
“I’M REALLY IN A RUSH OK, I NEED YOU TO MARRY ME TO TONY SO STOP FUCKING AROUND,”  
  
  
“Wow ok that sounds good!” he said and put on some clothes. There was a black man in his bed I didn’t see before because it was so night in the room.  
  
  
“Who is that clown?” I asked.  
  
  
“That’s my boyfriend Fury-sama, so shut up your questions Nightshade,” Dumblydore said like a man.  
  
  
“Oh shit he’s hella hot,” I said because it was polite.  
  
  
“Fuck I know that,” Dumbledore agreed.  
  
  
I noticed that Fury-sama had a really big you-know-what and I high fived him.  
  
  
“Stop touching my fucking bedfellow” said Dumbledore, “and where are we gonna have a wedding at this time of night?”  
  
  
“OMG I KNOW TOTALLY FUCKING WHERE,” I said excited because I just had the best idea ever invented.  
  
  
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Chapter 6.  
  
  
The movie theater was hella easy to get into because we could all just turn into bats, which is one of my favorites. Everyone was gone home after the show but I made Dumpledore go and turn on the movie.  
  
  
I was so fucking stoked because I got to get married next to the screen that was playing Breaking Dawn 2 before it even got released properly, I was SO FUCKING lucky.  
  
  
I didn’t even have to change into other clothes because I was already in cosplay and it was PERFECT for getting married in so I just used magic to make Tony be wearing something from the movie too. I told Dumpledore to please turn into Carlisle because that dood is the fucking hottest of our whole vamp family. He said ok because he really likes Carlisle too.  
  
  
Tony was nearly at the dead point but we got out all the words and then we were married so I told Dumbledore to fuck off while I saved Tony with honeymoon sex. It was the best sex I ever had ever because Breaking Dawn 2 was playing in the background while we did it, and first I put my thing in him and then he put his thing in me and we both had so many fucking orgasms. Tony felt alot better when we were done having orgasms together because now he was all the way alife again. Instead of having rings we both wrote our name on each other in blood.  
  
  
“I have always loved you, Steve,” said Tony when he was in my coffin with me that night.  
  
  
“I believe you,” I said because I get it alot from being a veela.  
  
  
  
  
“We should name our baby Nightshade” he said and I hugged him because that was a fucking great idea.

**Author's Note:**

> Please take a few moments to compose your thoughts on this fic into incoherent sentences. Feel free to share them here. <3   
> And who knows, this might not be the end of the story.


End file.
